She Says…..

“If a wife wants something done, she has to do it herself, or wait five months for a boi to do it.” -Enigma

Leave it to a woman to overlook the fact that you got it done and a major chuck of the distance is out of the way lol and all she cares about is how long it took me. Hmph

“Don’t ask me what the lines on the side of the field are called.” -Enigma

Lol how you gon say you’ll teach me the sport, but i can’t ask certain questions. Hmph

“I need an assistant, a cute woman, athletic body, blah blah blah.” -

Enigma

I wish you would. Any assistant you get will be a 300 pound woman named bertha. You got ne twisted. Lol

Holding Back

When I was younger, I was very shy and quiet. I kept to myself a lot but I was always a writer. All my thoughts and feelings were bound by the very same things that kept my pages connected. That was okay for me…that was my process…it worked for me.

When I hit high school, I broke out of my shell a bit. I’ve continued to become someone who always voices their opinion and expresses themselves no matter what. At least I thought I was that person.

Now, I’m thinking It’s 70/30. I’m honest, open, expressive, all that good stuff seventy percent of the time. However, there’s still certain things that I find myself holding back. Without realizing it, at random moments, this filter stops me from saying everything I want to say.

Sometimes it’s a great thing. I shouldn’t say everything that comes to my mind. Lol.

Other times, I keep things because I might not want confrontation with whomever the person is. Sometimes, if i think what I have to say will hurt them, I just keep it to myself. There are times when my opinion may not change anything, so why bother sharing. Idk. A lot of the times, keeping my thoughts to myself make me feel like It’s the one thing that i do have to myself.

*kanye shrug* Idk if It’s a problem or not. It’s just hitting me that I’m not as open as i thought i was. Do I have to be? I mean, my writing gets most of it anyway.

Hmmm. I wonder if any of this even matters.

Working for love

My gf and i are slowly approaching a year since we met and got together. Thinking about the last year of my life and all the changes, I’m very thankful that she was by my side. I’ve lost relatives, realized people weren’t who I thought they were, came out to my parents, moved, changed jobs…. She had been beside me every step of the way.

She had supported me in every decision, even if she didn’t agree. And if something didn’t work out she didn’t throw it in my face with I told to so.

I know i tell her every day that i love her and I’m right here, but i wonder if she truly understands the effect she has on me.

I titled this post, working for love, because it truly takes work. Every morning i wake up, I know I’m going to clock in and even do over-time, making sure our love gets the attention it needs. This only works because she is ready and willing to do the same.

When the long distance gets the best of us, when we crave each others touch, when we raise our voices, when our differences cause tension… We continue to work and i thank God everyday that we aren’t quitters.

We are both works in progress…. And we choose to keep working.

“She’s Down like she ‘posed to be

She gets down low for me

Down like her temperature ‘Cause to me she zero degrees

She cold, over freeze I got that girl from _____________

Now she’s my Miss America

Now can I be her soldier, please?

I’m fightin’ for this girl On the battlefield of love Don’t it look like baby cupid Sent her arrows from above?Don’t you ever leave the side of me Indefinitely, not probably And honestly, I’m down like the economy”

Baby, I had to take a time out and express how much I truly love you. *raises glass* Here’s to spending many more years with you. The highs, the lows and every single moment in between.

This ones for you baby…. Nothing’s more lovely than you

All the Way Out

I haven’t written in this space in a while. First I had writers block. Then work was kicking my butt and I just didnt have the time. It’s been crazy, so I have to get some things out. This first thing was the post before this one. Words that wouldn’t leave my head about an addiction of mine .

Also, I went home for the holidays and changed a couple lives forever. If you have been following you know that while I am out the closet to everyone in my life, including my biological mom, I have a set of parents that I have Kept in the dark about my sexual preference. They raised me and for years I have been trying to find the courage to disappoint them with my statement. I couldn’t bring in another year being so dishonest.

I swear every time I use to get close to telling them. I would get sick to my stomach. I felt like I would just die. The people that i admire most in the world possibly being ashamed of me was a thought I couldn’t get past.

Somehow I fought my urge to run this time. My mom fought back tears the entire time. Disappointment was expressed. They think i am making a choice to sin. Even though I dont believe that. My parents will be praying for my salvation for the rest of their lives.

The weight of them not knowing has been replaced by a ping of pain, knowing how much this hurts them. The good news is, I can survive that and so can they. The good news is now I can let them into my life without restrictions. The good news is now they can take the time they need to accept me for who I am.

Within the hour I had met up with friends and got some alcohol in my system. I needed it. The weekend was short. But I have not been disowned. I am still a member of my family and still loved.

Parents have these plans for us and ideas of the people they want us to become…

What happens when your child chooses a path you don’t want for them? What if you couldn’t stand the path they chose? I knew this would hurt them, but I told them anyway. Would you tell someone you love something you knew would break their heart?

Cocaine…

She is powerfully addictive…I can’t get enough of her.
A stimulant to my nervous system…She drives me crazy.
She makes me feel euphoric and energetic out of nowhere.
She raises my body temperature…She makes me so hot.
My heart rate speeds up…I risk heart ache.
In rare cases, losing control can occur at the first taste of her.
Short-term effects of her include a surge of ecstasy followed by alternately wakeful and drowsy states.
Long term effects include distorted perceptions…nothing else matters without her.
Memory impairment…I can’t remember my life without her.
and difficulty thinking and solving problems…She takes all my stress away.

Stolen Questions

I promise I will start writing again. I thought catching up on Sunday Stealing would get me out of this writers block.

34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF YOUR HOME COUNTRY? Never?

35. WEAKNESSES? On women? Legs! I mean my gfs 5’10 hehe

37. FIRST JOB? Winn dixie

38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL? Of course

39. DO YOU THINK EVERYONE OUT THERE HAS A SOUL MATE? Maybe

40. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU DID STEALING? Randomly expressing myself any way I can.

41. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY? Nope.

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST? My dimples or creative writing.

43. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? No, but I’ve always told the dentist I think I need em. They never agree.

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? It was yesterday and i wanted my baby to be home when i got off from work.

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT AND WHAT DO YOU WANT THEIR NAMES TO BE? (OR IF YOU HAVE KIDS, TELL US ABOUT THEM.) 4 and you can’t know their names yet.

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Nah

47. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST TURN OFF OF THE SEX(ES) YOU’RE ATTRACTED TO? Stupidity

48. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU LIKED ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL? Everything

49. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE? Whatever I pick up lol

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? It’s terrible, but It’s me.

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? honey smoked turkey

52. ANY BAD HABITS? I crack my knuckles, neck and back… sigh*

53. ARE YOU A JEALOUS PERSON? I wouldn’t say jealous, but definitely possessive.

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Definitely

55. DO YOU AGREE WITH FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS? Done it before, but wouldn’t recommend it.

56. DO LOOKS MATTER? Hell yes

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER? I don’t Anger easily.

58. WOULD YOU RATHER GAIN 58 POUNDS OR LOSE 58 POUNDS? I could lose 58 lbs

59. WHAT’S YOUR MAIN GOAL IN LIFE? To just live

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? Blocks

61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE? A lot

62. WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A LITTLE KID? Nope. He’s too weird

63. DO YOU USE SARCASM? Its in my blood

64. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE? Mashed potatoes

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A LOVER? Love and honesty.

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?  different variations of my name lol

67. FAVORITE SUPER POWER? To fly. Sooo gotta fly.

Stolen Questions

1. What’s for breakfast? I missed breakfast today.

2. Do you read a newspaper daily? not as much as I should.

3. What do you do when you can’t sleep? Call Enigma.

4. Say a word that sums up your mood. Blah

5. Do you remember your dreams? Always

6. Name something from your dream last night. Someone was grabbing my arm and damn near pulled it off.

7. Name a food that describes you. Hmmm ummmm banana pepper? Lol Idk

8. Today you are wearing: right now? Basketball shorts n a hoodie.

9. What’s in your pockets? Nothing

10. Did you sing in the shower today? No, I was too tired.

11. What’s the last song you heard? Defying Gravity

12. Looking forward to the holidays? Sure, I guess

13. Where do you want to be this instant? in my gfs bed

14. What’s for lunch? I had red beans and rice

15. What’s something you would like to do soon? Fly to jersey

16. Reading anything now? What is it? Jane Eyre, kind of lol.

17. What’s for dinner? Maybe soup?

18. A favorite part of the day is: when work is over.

19. Are you happy? Yes

20. Guess how many people will do Sunday Stealing this weekend? A lot? Lol

Stolen Questions

A. Age: 26

B. Bed size: Queen

C. Chore that you hate: Folding clothes

D. Dogs: 0

E. Essential start to your day: talking to Enigma and ironing work clothes

F. Favorite color: blue (all shades)

G. Gold or Silver: silver

H. Height: 5’7

I. Instruments you play: clarinet

J. Job title: super star

K. Kids: i want 4, but my wife is in charge of that lol

L. Live: uh.. as in where I want to live? Anywhere my baby is.

M. Mother’s name: Mom

N. Nicknames: For this space, Dani, Dani A

O. Overnight hospital stays: 2

P. Pet peeve: liars, excessively loud chewing, words pronounced wrong… I could go on forever.

Q. Quote from a movie: “who you calling epic, you white piece of bread?!” – Scar Face

R. Right or left handed: Right

S. Siblings: 3 half, 2 whole, 4 adopted

T. Time you wake up: always too early

U. Underwear: boxers

V. Vegetable you hate: cooked carrots

W. What makes you run late: forgetting things I need.

X. X-Rays you’ve had: brain n knee.

Y. Yummy food that you make: carrot cake n banana pudding

Z. Zoo animal: monkey

Stolen Questions

1) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? Wow.. no pressure! Ummm “relax” lol

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Gregory Mcguire

3) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? I would go and visit my gf.

4) What do you think about most? Lately? Moving. Every second

5) You have the opportunity to spend a romantic night with the music celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? Hmmmm keri hilson. I adore her body.

6) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? Nothing. It made me, me.

7) What’s your strangest talent? Umm Im not sure.

8) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? I’ll always tell the truth.

9) Ever had a poem or song written about you? umm, about me? nope.

10) When is the last time you played the air guitar? Lol today, to my new Wicked soundtrack.

11) Do you have any strange phobias? Very afraid of guns.

12) What’s your religion? Christian… all things are possible through HIM!

13) What is your current desktop picture? nothing.

14) When you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Watching my niece jump rope.

15) What’s the last song you listened to? Defying Gravity – Wicked Soundtrack.

16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? Rascal Flats

17) What was the last lie you told? Can’t think of it.

18) Do you believe in karma? Yep. You will always get what’s coming to you.

19) What is a saying you say a lot? I gotta ask my gf. Idk right now lol.

20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? Both of these is over analyzing.

21) Who is your celebrity crush? Zoe Saldana

22) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word: heart.  love.

23) How do you vent your anger? Depends on who has upset me because I’ll either ball it up inside or curse then out or just write it away.

24) Do you have a collection of anything? I suppose just my writing.

25) What is your favorite word? Lol I dunno.

Stolen Questions

1. Is there someone in your life you know you’d be better off without? No, everything and everyone happens for a reason.

2. Do you get criticized because of your body? Not anymore. When i was younger yes.

3. Did you kiss the last person you called? No. I don’t even really know her lol.

4. When was the last time you danced? At a Christmas party.

5. Do you keep in mind other people’s feelings? I didn’t in the past. But I’m getting much better at it.

6. If you have a hang nail, do you pull it or clip it? I’m no good at nail care.

7. Who do you want to forget? I wouldn’t like to forget anyone.

8. Who was the last person to send you a letter? My lover.

9. Who did you last tell to shut up? My cat. But I said “cut it out”. Does that count?

10. What’s the last thing that you smelt that smelt bad? Cajun Rice

11. What’s your favorite cereal? Raisin Brand.

12. How do you feel when people lead you on, but they don’t even like you? Like a huge waste of time.

13. Could you live without sunlight? Sure, I don’t tan anyway lol.

14. What’s something you know is bad, but you want to do it anyway? Quit my job and move. It’s only bad because I need the income lol.

15. What was the last thing you lied about? I really can’t remember.

16. Do you regret anything you’ve done in the past week? nah

17. What was the last movie you bought? Not sure, It’s been a while.

18. What is a sport you would like to do? I would love to play basketball so i can bond with my gf.

19. When was the last time you felt like crying? The last time I felt like I couldn’t be there for “her”. I’m so far and i want to be there when she needs me.

20. Have you ever wanted to kill someone (not that you actually do it)? Nope.