All the Way Out
I haven’t written in this space in a while. First I had writers block. Then work was kicking my butt and I just didnt have the time. It’s been crazy, so I have to get some things out. This first thing was the post before this one. Words that wouldn’t leave my head about an addiction of mine 
.
Also, I went home for the holidays and changed a couple lives forever. If you have been following you know that while I am out the closet to everyone in my life, including my biological mom, I have a set of parents that I have Kept in the dark about my sexual preference. They raised me and for years I have been trying to find the courage to disappoint them with my statement. I couldn’t bring in another year being so dishonest.
I swear every time I use to get close to telling them. I would get sick to my stomach. I felt like I would just die. The people that i admire most in the world possibly being ashamed of me was a thought I couldn’t get past.
Somehow I fought my urge to run this time. My mom fought back tears the entire time. Disappointment was expressed. They think i am making a choice to sin. Even though I dont believe that. My parents will be praying for my salvation for the rest of their lives.
The weight of them not knowing has been replaced by a ping of pain, knowing how much this hurts them. The good news is, I can survive that and so can they. The good news is now I can let them into my life without restrictions. The good news is now they can take the time they need to accept me for who I am.
Within the hour I had met up with friends and got some alcohol in my system. I needed it. The weekend was short. But I have not been disowned. I am still a member of my family and still loved.
Parents have these plans for us and ideas of the people they want us to become…
What happens when your child chooses a path you don’t want for them? What if you couldn’t stand the path they chose? I knew this would hurt them, but I told them anyway. Would you tell someone you love something you knew would break their heart?
January 16, 2012 at 11:33 am
Some things you should know as a parent; one, you must develop your children, which means putting them on a path toward being a responsible, law-abiding, God-fearing adult. Two, they’re probably not going to stay on the path you put them on. Three, you may not like the path they chose and, four all you can do is not like it and more so if you find out they “strayed” from your proposed path and you didn’t find out until they were adults.
Your last question is a tough one because breaking your parents’ hearts is probably the last thing anyone wants to do, regardless of the situation. Still, if you made an adult decision to let the cat out the bag, they should take the news as adults and if there’s any displeasure, mention it… but don’t dwell on it because they should understand that it’s your life and your choice or, as my mom likes to say, “If you make your bed hard, you sleep in it…”
I’m pleased that things went well for you in this because that’s not always the case.
January 16, 2012 at 12:48 pm
I’m glad it went better than I expected too. I wish I could see the future and how they’ll take the next blow of me marrying a woman. they’ve actually met her, they just didn’t know it was her. They have enough time to deal, I suppose.
Btw, I’ve been meaning to tell you I’ve gone a little over two weeks without texting and driving.
I think It’s almost out of my system, I don’t even notice anymore. I just remind myself that it can wait.
January 16, 2012 at 1:08 pm
Dani, I’m glad to hear you’re not doing that anymore! It’s best that you stay alive… and not wind up paying those expensive tickets for doing that!
I would suppose that your parents would take that bit of news “hard…” but without any disrespect, they’ll adjust to that as well, huh? They probably won’t like it but as parents, we kinda vow to support and love our kids, even when we think they’ve lost their minds.
January 16, 2012 at 7:35 pm
Thanks K