Holding Back
When I was younger, I was very shy and quiet. I kept to myself a lot but I was always a writer. All my thoughts and feelings were bound by the very same things that kept my pages connected. That was okay for me…that was my process…it worked for me.
When I hit high school, I broke out of my shell a bit. I’ve continued to become someone who always voices their opinion and expresses themselves no matter what. At least I thought I was that person.
Now, I’m thinking It’s 70/30. I’m honest, open, expressive, all that good stuff seventy percent of the time. However, there’s still certain things that I find myself holding back. Without realizing it, at random moments, this filter stops me from saying everything I want to say.
Sometimes it’s a great thing. I shouldn’t say everything that comes to my mind. Lol.
Other times, I keep things because I might not want confrontation with whomever the person is. Sometimes, if i think what I have to say will hurt them, I just keep it to myself. There are times when my opinion may not change anything, so why bother sharing. Idk. A lot of the times, keeping my thoughts to myself make me feel like It’s the one thing that i do have to myself.
*kanye shrug* Idk if It’s a problem or not. It’s just hitting me that I’m not as open as i thought i was. Do I have to be? I mean, my writing gets most of it anyway.
Hmmm. I wonder if any of this even matters.
January 24, 2012 at 3:05 pm
I think it does. Sure, there’s a time and place for fully expressing one’s self – but I think you gotta do it. In terms of percentages, I probably “say” about 90% of whatever’s on my mind – it doesn’t make sense for me to censor myself, if you feel where I’m going. There are things I will not express for various reasons but it’s like this: If you don’t say it, who will, and more so when something needs to be said?
We’ve become so insular these days, having some angst about expressing ourselves and because of what someone else might have to say about whatever came out of our minds. We “fear” putting ourselves out there and it can create an internal conflict because we often have this need to just let it all out.
What you never know until you do it is what your opinion might mean to someone else; if you’re already thinking it won’t make a difference, you’ve defeated the purpose of having an opinion because, simply, my friend, it might not mean anything to you… but to someone else? It could mean everything, like, letting someone know they’re not alone in how they feel, say, about women.
If someone thinks it’s bullshit, well, that’s on them, right? Doesn’t mean you have to suppress yourself because it might not be accepted, right? I know I don’t do it – because I don’t have to. If I feel it needs to be said, here or elsewhere, it’s getting said – and what they do with it is all on them after that.
Be fearless and express yourself.
January 24, 2012 at 4:16 pm
” What you never know until you do it is what your opinion might mean to someone else;”. Your words couldn’t be any truer. Having a filter only puts weight on me and while I do say a lot. Considering someone else’s opinion or trying to avoid conflict might not always be the best.
As always, thanks for stopping by K,
January 24, 2012 at 9:58 pm
You know, dear heart, that more often than not, it’s what you don’t say that causes the worst problems. And thank you for allowing me to keep stopping by!
January 25, 2012 at 8:52 am
You’re always welcome.
February 7, 2012 at 11:12 am
[...] first post on this topic was me confronting myself about sometimes holding back my thoughts when I shouldn’t. I also [...]